Content warning:
This passage includes sensitive content about sexual violence and may be triggering for some readers.
In my work as an aged care advocate, I support and educate people about the rights of older adults, particularly those receiving in-home and residential aged care services.
I’m part of a statewide service that provides information, advocacy, and training, and I’m passionate about promoting the rights and dignity of older people. I also have a background in sexual health, which informs the way I approach this work.
Part of my role involved visiting residential aged care facilities to promote resources like OPAN’s Ready to Listen and to deliver education about human rights in aged care.
While I didn’t personally receive disclosures of sexual assault from older women in that role, I have worked in mental health and counselling, where older women and family members sometimes spoke with me about sexual experiences.
In aged care settings, staff did raise concerns with me on occasion when they weren’t sure whether certain situations were consensual, especially when dementia or cognitive decline was involved.
One example was a situation in which an older female resident was showing affection toward a male resident. Staff believed the male resident seemed to welcome the attention when his wife wasn’t present, but his wife was very distressed by it. These situations are complex and emotionally charged.
In another case, on Norfolk Island, staff asked for help because men and women were being found engaging in sexual activity in a common area. Staff couldn’t work out whether the acts were consensual, and they were struggling to communicate clearly with some of the women involved, who had cognitive decline.
When I delivered training there, the staff were split—half felt the interactions were consensual and even “cute,” while the other half believed they were inappropriate and possibly abusive. The conversations tended to focus more on the right of older adults to be sexual than on identifying sexual assault.
Dementia and cognitive decline make it extremely difficult for everyone—staff and residents—to be certain whether sexual acts are wanted or understood. These situations often spark debates about whether men and women should be separated in aged care.
What I have seen consistently is that aged care staff are under-resourced. Many speak English as a second language, and the priority is always to have staff on the floor, not attending training. Managers rarely have the ability to release staff for training or pay them to come in for it. Training often ends up being done in staff members’ own time.
With no overlap between shifts, there is little opportunity for reflective practice or deeper education. Proper advocacy for older people requires resourcing, and that simply isn’t built into the system.
When it comes to sexual assault disclosure, I think it is generally more taboo for older women to talk about sex at all. Many people still believe that violence has to involve physical force to “count,” which of course isn’t true.
In my work as a trainer for NSW Health, I taught mental health carers about sexual assault and how to ask about it in ways that don’t shut down conversation. You can’t start with a blunt question. It’s better to ask if anything has happened that made them uncomfortable or unsure. Some older people use phrases like “interfered with” rather than naming sexual assault or sexual touching directly. You have to listen carefully to the language they use.
Ageism also plays a major role. Older women may assume they won’t be believed because they don’t fit the stereotype of who gets raped. I’ve heard aged care staff laugh about “horny old men” who pinch bottoms, as if it’s harmless. That kind of attitude creates an environment where women don’t feel safe speaking up.
Older adults deserve the same vigilance and protection that children get in early childhood settings—respectfully, of course, without treating them like children. But in aged care, staff usually focus only on the task in front of them. They don’t have the time or support to ask what might be going on behind the scenes when someone seems upset or withdrawn. It’s easy for them to assume the person is just “old and depressed.”
In terms of older women who have experienced recent versus historical assault, we know the statistics: many women have experienced violence across their lives. Older women are vulnerable to abuse now, but they are also statistically likely to have past trauma, either in adulthood or childhood. So any interaction with an older woman in aged care should come from a trauma-informed approach. That means taking time to listen, explaining what you are doing, asking what they are comfortable with—even in routine care like showering—and respecting their boundaries.
Older women often feel they need to be compliant and “nice.” In aged care, many are worried about being seen as complaining too much. There’s a real fear of causing trouble for themselves or others. Many feel invisible or disregarded. Building trust is essential before they will disclose something as significant as sexual assault. Traumatic events take time to process. If the person who harmed them is someone they know, the shame and emotional complexity can be enormous.
If something is disclosed, my approach is to respond “as if.” Start by focusing on their safety and supporting them—not by immediately trying to prove or disprove what was said. Find out what they need and want, and make the right referrals. What they’re disclosing might not even be a current event; it might be something from decades ago that has been triggered by something happening in the present.
When it comes to interactions with the legal system, my experience is that collaboration between health services and police generally works well in metropolitan areas. But in regional areas, there can still be entrenched patriarchal attitudes and victim-blaming, which can make the process much harder for older women seeking help.
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